DR. CELESTE OPRIS, PH.D., LMFT
If you are a person who honestly does not understand why everything happens to you, then it may be time to self-examine your role in this cycle. Taking accountability is one of the hardest things a person can do. It requires vulnerability, self-reflection, and ownership of our actions.
No one really wants to admit when they did something wrong or when they hurt another individual. Apologizing in particular is not an easy process. Many people take pride in their actions and words, so when others offer criticism stating what they did “wrong” some people have a hard time accepting the feedback and taking accountability.
For instance, if you commonly vent to your friends about a relationship you are in, then you are opening the door for their opinions. You may not like what they have to say, but you may find yourself in a situation where accountability needs to be taken. You are the one going to them to vent. We all need support so opening up to others is a great resource; however, it is very uncommon for others to listen to you without responding and sharing their own thoughts about a situation. So be prepared that each time you initiate a conversation, this may lead to opinions you may not want to hear.
Likewise, if you have not gotten a certain job position you desire, then consider realistic options. Living with the mentality that they do not like you or they always give those positions to someone else, will not help you. Instead put your thoughts together and present yourself. Explain what you can offer and if they want to move forward, great. Otherwise, it may be time to move on to bigger and better things, if and when you are ready.
Remember, we cannot always put blame on others, especially if people have their own issues going on. In regards to a workplace, maybe there is someone in a higher position making decisions you are unaware of. In relationships, perhaps the other person is scared, or not mentally and emotionally ready to move forward as you envisioned. This can undeniably affect your level of trust towards others, especially if you have felt let down more times than you can remember.
Define the expectations you wish to see in your life and go for them. This allows you the opportunity to plan for your future and create realistic goals for yourself personally, financially, and emotionally. Give it your best shot and if it does not work out, then there is another path just waiting for you to discover it.
We are only able to control ourselves and our actions. Being honest is a good start and it goes hand-in-hand with taking accountability. It requires you to self-reflect and to see what you are truly capable of at this time in your life. This stands true in regards to what you can give to others, but more importantly, to yourself.
Celeste Opris, Ph.D., LMFT, offers therapeutic services to individuals, couples, and families. Visit www.TherapyForModernHousewives.com.