DR. CELESTE CATANIA-OPRIS, PH.D., LMFT
Life seems to be on fast forward. The to-do list never seems to end and there is always someone else who requires our attention. Tired is an understatement, and yet, we keep going. Remember when it was just us?
To be honest, I miss you my husband. I miss our time alone. I miss not being a worrier. I miss sleeping in with you and glancing over at you in the morning. Sometimes I miss the silence in our home and only hearing your voice. I would never trade our life or our family for anything, but sometimes I think about how it used to be when it was just us.
Life was fun, spontaneous, and care-free. I miss our solo adventures and being in awe of you as you shared your stories from your life. I could not wait to see you and spend time with you. Believe it or not, I still feel that way even though I may not always tell you. For some reason, I push those thoughts aside and sometimes I am even resentful towards you, even when you do nothing wrong.
I guess I take those feelings of missing you and become angry as if you are consciously deciding to not spend time with me. Sometimes I even become paranoid that maybe someone else has gotten your attention. Don’t worry those thoughts do not last long, but it is as if I am mentally preparing myself for us to grow apart. I would never want that, but it is truly one of my biggest fears. I am scared we may not make it.
I need you to remind me that I still matter to you. I need you to tell me that you still find me attractive. I need you to ask me how my day was. I know our stories have changed over the years, but I hope you still like listening to me. Sometimes I wonder if you still like me as much as you did when we first met. I know you love me, but sometimes I question if I am enough.
I realize that there is never enough time and I am sure you would want things to be different too. I feel guilty putting the kids before you and I know you have felt pushed aside at times. Just know you are still my forever. I feel so grateful to have what we have. I look forward to our future and continuing to grow old together. I know this may sound crazy but I hope you miss me as much as I miss you. Ironically, one day we may be talking about this exact time in our lives and we will say to each other, “Remember when…?”
Our life is great and we truly are blessed. I will try harder my husband. It is not your job to appease my insecurities. Sometimes I want things to be like the past, but to be frank, we are not even the same people anymore. I love us and I love you. I appreciate you and I will make sure to tell you more often. Thank you for this wonderful life and for making my “Remember when…” stories even better.
Celeste Catania-Opris, Ph.D., LMFT, offers therapeutic services to individuals, couples, and families. Visit www.TherapyForModernHousewives.com.